Those of you who follow me on twitter may have seen my request for blogfood, and Kerri came up with a really good one: “Stories from the past”.

I was first diagnosed with asthma when I was around 5 years old. Before I was diagnosed I had the typical asthmatic symptoms (minus the wheeze). I coughed all night without waking myself but the dark rings around my eyes (and my mum’s!) showed neither of us was getting much sleep. Mum took me to the Doctors and I was given a peak flow meter and at the next appointment I was diagnosed: asthma. I don’t really remember any of this, most of it I’ve gleaned from conversations with mum and glimpses of my notes.

Back then, my GP surgery was in a different building and a lot smaller than it is now (although it’s still tiny!). There were two Doctors and each had their own room. My overriding memory of visiting the Doctor when I was little was looking at the photos of his children on the wall and the world map on the notice board. On the rare occasion I saw the other Doctor, I remember she had a measuring thing ont he back of her door which was decorated with teddy bear pictures and childish images- she also had paintings done by other children on her wall. The irony now is that I see that Doctor regularly and my old regular Doctor I never see.

I saw the asthma nurse once a year, the same asthma nurse that I still see- although less now that I see the Doctor at least every three months, technically anyway- for my asthma review. This usually meant height, weight, peak flow and symptom check. I was pretty mild back then, only on beclametasone and ventolin (taken of course with the big old volumetric spacer!), so the reviews were usually just a chance to touch base and for my mum to bring anything up with the nurse she wanted to. I remember one particular time though, when as well as getting my Desmond Dragon peak flow diary (seriously, Desmond Dragon was the best part of having asthma, I got one back in the summer when I was particularly flarey and it actually made my week (and the rest of my AUK friends jealous)!) I was also given a red balloon made by the National Asthma Campaign (now AUK) and told to try blowing it up every so often as it would improve my lung strength. I have no idea why this stuck with me so much, but I certainly was very compliant at blowing up that balloon!

As an asthmatic child, I had my fair share of chest infections and this usually meant the dreaded liquid antibiotic. I still remember the look, smell and taste of it very clearly. It came in this sort of clear/ frosted plastic bottle with one of those medicine cup caps  and was a sort of bile yellow colour- why anyone thought this was an appealing colour to dye a child’s medication I will never understand. As well as being bile yellow and smelling so synthetic that even a sweet loving E number junkie 6 year old hated it on sight it was banana flavoured. Banana. Of all the fruits to choose they chose banana. And it wasn’t even a good banana flavour, it was bitter and sweet and cloying. I used to dread getting chest infections, not because I felt crap with them, but because the banana medication was vile- possibly even worse than prednisolone which is saying something!  To this day I cannot eat anything banana flavoured without it turning my stomach and completely bringing back the taste of that medication.

This last week has been one of stressfullness and completely overloading myself. It’s still carrying on to be a really busy week (overtime at work, youth leader’s meeting, essays, homework, uni interview prep…) but I finished my January exams today with Chemistry, so a slight bit of pressure has been removed.

So, having depressurised slightly, my lungs decided to act up a bit. I nearly always get this- as soon as I allow myself to relax a little I tend to find my lungs play up. So anyway, today I spent a while feeling a little uncomfortable and having to take deep “sigh” type breaths to get enough air in before giving in and taking the salbutamol (I know, I’m supposed to take the symbicort as a reliever but I really couldn’t face the turbohaler) which didn’t really help and it took a couple of hours and several puffs before things calmed down. It’s probably a mix of the stress, sitting about yesterday in the cold waiting for my car tyre to be fixed (split it on a pothole), flaring at work yesterday and doing nothing about it and also dropping my symbicort back down to 3x BD. So, it’s back up to 4xBD with the symbicort and maybe tomorrow I’ll get through the day without flaring?!

So A2s finally hit me today. Anyone following me on twitter or facebook will know I’ve been stressing for a few days about the biology module I had coming up. Well I sat it today and it went horribly. I don’t know quite why it went so wrong- I’d learnt the textbook inside out- could recite the function of each part of the nephron in detail- but it all went completely wrong. I ran out of time so rushed half the paper, the questions didn’t follow the specification and none of it asked for knowledge- just ability to blag. Which I only posses when it comes to English. Anyway, suddenly I’m completely overloaded with everything-  chemistry A2 module on wednesday, English essays, Latin GCSE work, my job, helping with running a cadet unit and grade 7 violin. Something has to give and I’m thiking it might be Latin.

I sobbed down the phone to my mum earlier and she was lovely. She came in from work laden with bags of my favourite crisps and breakfast foods (crumpets and muffins) as she could hear I was doing my usual hypoglycaemic (I’m not diabetic but get quite sudden hypoglycaemic attacks which I don’t recognise) meltdown as well as dealing with poor exam performance. Not a good combo. Anyway, I’m feeling slightly less like a puddle now, so I’m off to do a bit more chemistry revision.

So this is a bit of a plea for ideas really. The lungs are bumbling along without causing too many problems and the allergies are quietish and apart from a bit of conjunctivitis everything is fine so I have nothing to write about. Ask me anything lung related or not and I’ll have a go at answering it.

So, recently I said I was going to wait until my asthma review to get an appointment. I assumed that, because my asthma review was overdue- when I picked up my ’script I’d be asked to me my appt. However, I went to pick up my prescription and this happened:

They’ve changed it again! This happens every time- I wait until my review is overdue so I can make the appt, and then instead of asking me to make the appt they move the review date! Arghhh. I’m supposed to be letting them know what happened at the allergy clinic and lungwise… but I can’t because I don’t need a “normal” appt, but they won’t give me a review!

*Annoyance!*

So having read all of Kerri’s 12 of 12s, I’ve finally been persuaded to give it a go

Getting ready for school- some of the rubbish I cart around with me. No wonder my bag is heavy.

Driving to school listening to Chris Moyles and it’s -1, it’s got warmer! (Sorry for the terrible picture , my photography skills leave a lot to be desired.)

 Chemistry lesson and we got our test back- 88%! Yay!

Back home midday and the snow’s starting to melt.

Lunch. How unappetising.

Time to check UCAS, still no change. Hurry up ICL!

I decided that since I hadn’t practiced my violin for 3 weeks, I ought to do some practice before my lesson on thursday!

I had work in the afternoon, it was only my short shift so not too bad.

A bit of bed time reading/ prep for Bristol interview.

Meds time, i really need to get a better storing system, I always loose my eyedrops down the side of the stairs

(Another bad photo.) It says 250, 55%- over 50% for the first time in a while which I am happy with

I realised I had never put a picture of my strange peak flow meter on here and decided it would make the 12th picture, seeing as I was struggling to come up with anything else!

Does anyone else get them?

I only ever get them pre-flare. I go to sleep feeling fine and then dream of some situation or other where my asthma is flaring  and can actually feel my chest getting tighter and me getting SOB but it never wakes me up. Then in the morning I wake up symptomatic and with consistently low PFs. Last night was the same as usual, I dreamt I was singing and couldn’t get enough breath for the solo and then woke up with a PF of 200 (44% of PB).

Now this morning the red zoning could be due to the snow (as an English person I thought it was a lot at 30cm until Kerri told me about Canadian snow!), but I still find these dreams scary. I never fully know whether I’m actually getting the symptoms during the night or whether it’s all in my dream and then if I’m getting the symptoms it scares me that they’re usually bad enough to land me below 60% pf’ing but I still don’t wake up due to them.  I take my meds before going to bed at 10.30ish so it can’t be them wearing off and I’m not taking any sleeping tablets that would account for me not waking up. The only thing I can possibly think of is diurnal rhythms of hormone levels but it’s not consistent so I’m not sure about that either.

Does anyone else get this? Any tips?

Will finish with a picture of the snow, because I’m still excited about it

The lungs are definitely twitchy- PF’ing at 47%. There’s been a cold going round work for the last couple of weeks and so far I’d managed to avoid getting it but I have a sore throat, rubbishy lungs, runny nose and the sniffles. So much for escaping it then.

I’m still on Symbicort 4x BD, never managed to drop it down after the last flare, so I’m really hoping the lungs don’t decide to flare too badly otherwise I’m not going to avoid a course of prednisolone.  It’s typical really- I’m just going into the January exam season as well as University interviews/ visits, so I get a cold that will most likely make the lungs kick off.

I’m also overdue my asthma review, but I haven’t been called for it yet and I daren’t face dragon receptionist again until I get a reminder so I shall sit back and twiddle my thumbs a bit until I remember to go and collect my next prescription.

I know this is a bit late- I spent New Year’s eve working and then straight off to a party (never let me drink again, I am the single most talented light weight and suffered very badly the next day). The party, as it happens, was a bit of a nightmare- great at first, but then a friend got very drunk, started vomiting and kept slipping into sleep. Suddenly I was almost sober and completely missed midnight sitting with my friend for nearly 3 hours helping her be sick and keeping her in the recovery position when needed. Not the best turn of the year ever then.

The “noughties” as people are calling them, has been a decade of achievements. I moved up to secondary school, I was involved in a research study at a local University, I became a member of NAGTY, I went to Summer School, I became a member of IGGY and YG&T, I met my best friends, I passed my GCSEs, I moved to a new school, I passed my AS levels, I applied to Uni.

It has also been a decade of difficulties and challenges. It has been a decade I never thought I’d see out. I was bullied, for years. I suffered depression and social anxiety. I turned to destructive behaviours and my family suffered as much as I did. I spent two and a half years in therapy. Things won’t ever be how they were, and I will always find social situations difficult and struggle slightly more than I used to- but I have come out of it and I am stronger for it. I am sympathetic where I used to be judgemental and I have made friends with people I would never have made before.

My asthma has also evolved over the decade, I have gone from a well controlled brown ‘n’ bluer- adding in serevent, then stepping up and up to where I am now- to an uncontrolled moderate to severe asthmatic. I’ve been to A&E several times, I’ve been on prednisolone more times than I can remember. Asthma has gone from being a minor inconvinience to being a major factor in my life. Again though, through the difficulties it has brought me I have met my best friends, I have become part of an amazing asthma community throught Asthma UK and the blog world.

It has been a decade of ups and downs, one of challenges and triumphs. It’s one I have come out of stronger. I hope for a more stable decade, and I hope for happyness and wellbeing for everyone involved in this amazing world I’ve become part of.

Happy New Year.

So I’m also going to join in with the theft of the Blog Food Amy gave Kerri because it’s been really interesting reading Kerri, Danielle and Elisheva’s responses. So here’s my input.

What you find hardest about taking care of your own lung health, what’s most challenging as a hs student? College? What your parents still help with/what you wish they’d help with more—can you sense my ulterior motive here

The hardest thing about taking care of my lungs has been recognising when I needed help, and then following through with getting the help. I’ve always been really poor at recognising when I’m getting ill. When I was younger it wasn’t such a problem because my mum took control of making sure I was well and taking me to Out of Hours or the GPs if I wasn’t but as I moved into secondary school and  gained a lot more independence I took a lot more control over taking care of my health, and it just happened to coincide with a worsening of my asthma. There have been quite a few times where I’ve been told at school that they would like to call an ambulance but I have refused simply because I didn’t think I was that unwell. Part of the reason I’ve always been terrible at recognising when I’m ill is because I’m a cougher- I have never wheezed really- and I get SOB and tight chested, but that’s it and often this means that when I’ve decided I need to go to A&E or to the Doctors for a neb, I’ll be told I’m not wheezing and have clear air entry so can’t be asthmatic. I am getting better at recognising my symptoms now, I usually know whether I’m suffering from a flare up, I’m just not so good at actually going to the Doctors or A&E when I probably should do.

The most challenging part of having asthma and being at Secondary School/ Sixth form has been being careful lung wise, but still trying to seem like any other student. I went through a stage when I was 15-16 where I was having an asthma attack at school several times a week, and needing to be removed from whatever lesson or assembly I was in. I was quite a “high profile” asthmatic in that my attacks are never quiet and happened so frequently that everyone knew about my asthma and while some people were surprisingly lovely- a kid sprayed aerosol in my face by accident when a teacher had left the room and another student who usually hated me picked me up and helped get me outside the classroom- others were hateful and used to follow me around pretending to have “asthma” attacks and then make comments. I hated and still hate being the one with poor attendance who has to leave the Chemistry or Biology lab because they’re using a chemical which has/ will set my asthma off and the fuss that is made when I slip back into the classroom.

I’m not at university yet, but am applying at the moment and my asthma and how I will deal with it have been quite important factors in considering where to go. My mum’s been a star with all of it, helping me fill out the Disability Services’ forms and asking questions for me at Uni open days where I’ve been too embarrassed to. I’m finding that I’ve applied to Unis close enough to home that I can easily travel home if I’m struggling with my asthma and need a week just to sleep and not bother with looking after myself in any other way such as cooking and cleaning. A large part of applying to Unis has been researching the local NHS trust and the student health centre and how much help I’d be able to receive from the Disability Service. I’m very aware that Uni is going to be a challenge, both o the normal moving away from home and major changes level, but also in coping with asthma and allergic rhinitus. Everytime in the past I have stayed in Halls of Residence (the Uni accommodation) I’ve ended up needing prednisolone or in A&E and although we’ve discovered why (HDM) it’s still going to be something I’ll need to keep an eye on and I know my mum will help me whenever I ask for it.

My mum still helps me with my asthma in many ways. Although since I was 11 I’ve been doing my own prescriptions and going to some appointments on my own (a lot more now) mum’s been behind me a lot of the way. When I was in A&E whilst on a Summer School mum contacted the leaders and sorted out what my meds regime should be when I was discharged and spoke to the Doctors when I was admitted (although I didn’t end up staying). I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for her being several hundred miles away and hearing that I was in A&E second night in a row. Similarly she’s the one who comes and picks me up from school when I’m ill and who met me in A&E when I was taken straight from school to there. I take my mum to appointments where I’m nervous about that particular doctor or to hospital appointments (e.g. The Allergy Clinic). She’s an asthma nurse, so is often able to make suggestions to the Doctors that I don’t always feel able to make and can often find out more information about the medication/ technique they want to try me on before I start it (for instance, I didn’t want to go on Symbicort SMART but my mum did a lot of research and spoke to her colleagues and in the end we decided to try it). My mum generally still helps with a lot of my asthma care but just supporting me. I take control for the majority of my lung health now, but she’s the one who supports me when it’s getting me down or I’m not sure where to go next. She’s also the one who persuaded my dad to smoke outside.

I can’t really think of many ways my mum could help me more. Perhaps sometimes I’d like to be able to do something that would normally set my asthma off without there being continuous asthma checks/ questions/ comments, but it’s a small thing and alot more down to her being concerned than her deliberately making me embarrassed.